where did the time go

It's been five days since I last posted about creating time to 'redesign' my life.  I don't even remember what I was going to do, let alone schedule the time to do it. Where did the time, and this week go?

I also am realizing that Christmas is 13 days away.  Seriously, is time just moving and warp speed. 

Things I'm pondering...

...can I seriously just slow time down a bit....

...Does life get easier as you get older?

...I haven't had a good glass of wine in quite awhile...why is that?

Redesigning Life

I took a step back tonight from the stress of a paper and a fast approaching deadline to recalibrate life. It had been awhile since I had even a moment to make myself a nice dinner, clean my desk (which is where I found mail two weeks old) and just get things organized again.

On my desk I have kept a book that I have mentioned previously.... A Minute of Margin. So, why not, let's open it up and see where the bookmark was last left.

'Redesigning Life" -- how appropriate for me. A few excerpts that seem pertinent:

Civilization, in the real sense of the term, consists not in the multiplication, but in the deliberate and voluntary reduction of wants. This alone promotes real happiness and contentment, and increases the capacity for service. ~~ Mahatma Gandhi

I even used a common statement today....less is more...but yet I can't grasp that concept in my own personal life. I push and push but sometimes I wonder what for? Is it all worth it? Am I truly living? Is this the plan God intended for me?

Another excerpt (paraphrased).... "write down everything you have in your life that consumes time on a piece of paper....then throw it into the fire and wipe the slate clean. Allow God to redesign our lives by that which is fully spiritually authentic...'

Not a bad idea. Now I just need to schedule time to do that!

Things I'm pondering....
....what is the underlying reason that I push myself so hard? Ah yes, I know and was reminded by my mother...my unyielding desire to right my life's failures....
... how can I learn to not be a perfectionist?
... are there advantages to being lazy? If so, what are they?

Musings from a Snowy Day

It snowed again today. A few more inches added to the count. It feels like I've been stuck in winter for months already and yet according to the Gregorian calendar, the winter solstice does not begin until December 21st. How can this be? Why does this season always seem to start so early and last so long? Ah yes, I am reminded where I live in the midwest. Maybe I should move away to warmer climate?

I recall from last year, a record-setting snow fall year, the over abundance of snow and how I felt the same with regard to it. Will this year be a repeat? I was reminded today while driving that there are benefits of driving a 4-wheel drive vehicle. Now, if only I had one to deal with the elements.

With all this being said about the snow, difficulty driving in it and the bitter cold, when I'm warm and inside, the snow has an elegance about it as it flows smoothly from the sky above. Its actually soothing in away to just watch it fall and being peaceful.

If only life could be as simple, elegant and peaceful like snow falling. But yet, life is complicated. I do it to myself. The expectations and requirements I put on myself and the constant minimizing of my accomplishments just beat a guy down over time. But yet I always pick myself up only to fall down again.

One day, life will be easier and resemble the calmness of a fresh snow. One day...


Things I'm Pondering...
... is there a world record for the tallest snowman? If not...should I attempt to set that record?
... I wonder if there is a big enough bottle to bottle up all of one person's feelings for a lifetime in.
... I've been told to stop letting life get in the way of life...I wonder how I do that?

Whirlwind

The last few days have been a bit of whirlwind for me. Working long hours, being intensely focused on one project and spending the entire day, sometimes straight through, working on one thing. Many people that just sitting at a desk and working on a computer all day is easy...in reality, it takes a toll on people just like other jobs. Granted, this may not be as physically demanding as some positions however mentally, it is draining. 

The last few days I feel like my head has been spinning. I have crammed so much data into my head after performing a number of data analytics and then writing a report about the data that i just want to stare at a tv and do nothing... or at least something that is mind-numbing. I'm just exhausted mentally....and haven't been sleeping well either. Maybe its the weather...which I absolutely love. I don't like the cold but the fall weather is quite enjoyable lately. The cool and crisp mornings...the drive to work with the windows open, and listening to some great music that I haven't listened to in awhile...ah...just soothing.

Then...the whirlwind of intensity and focus begins for many hours. The end of the day arrives and I look forward to....doing more work...but this time, for school.

Needless to say, I'm ready for a vacation. Even if its a day. Hopefully I will get that this Saturday when I hope to put aside all those things that seem to be all-consuming of my life and do something for me. I hope the weather is enjoyable and the coffee is always flowing for the day will be spent enjoying life, nature, and whatever else I can soak up.  Then, back to the whirlwind of life.  But...at least its one day.

Things I'm pondering...

... spin spin spin...boy do I feel dizzy

... is there anywhere in the world where its fall all the time?

... sleep is so far removed from my lifestyle, I won't know what to do when I sleep again...is that bad?

For A Reason

Everything happens for a reason, right? No, really? Does it?

Sure it does. So...what's the reason? Yeah, not so fast. Unfortunately its not that easy.

Life is life and will happen as it happens. All we can do is hang on for the ride that is given to us. Yes, we make choices and decisions that will ultimately affect the outcomes but at the same time, doesn't fate factor in somewhere?

What about your dreams and aspirations? Will fate affect those? Can you control the outcomes?

Henry David Thoreau once said... Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Don't leave yourself or your life to fate...dream big and let nothing stop you from achieving greatness.

Greatness is a road leading towards the unknown. ~ Charles de Gaulle


Things I'm pondering...
... how do you manage a vast quantity of dreams?
... is there ever a right priority to life and all its activities?
... How do you say No to something you truly enjoy?

Tired

I'm ridiculously tired right now...and yet I find myself writing a blog. Its just past midnight and I should really be asleep but am writing...not sure what about or if this will even have much substance. An interesting day at work today after a long and exhausting weekend. I had asked a friend of mine recently why is it that I never can enjoy the weekend. His response, you're in grad school genius, you can enjoy the weekend when we're done.

What a motivational comment. But, he's right. about a year and a half and I'll be done and have my MBA. Honestly though, lately, I've started to wonder if it will really affect or impact my career. What choices can I make now to support the long term?

Just random thoughts in the head tonight. I looked at my calendar tonight...the one thing that I cannot live without...and was just overwhelmed at what this week looked like. But, I've handled worse so I just need to keep it all in perspective. Just take it one day at a time. So, that's my plan, One day at a time.

Things I'm pondering...

...really need to learn to sleep with my eyes open...
...will dreams really come true one day?
...sleep will never be overrated!

What If

So, I have realized that I am a man with many dreams. Often times, I think I have too many dreams and aspirations in my life.

So...What If I just took a chance and went after one of them? Unfortunately, I tend to be a more level-headed person and need to plan everything but lately, I've been feeling more like spicing things up a bit and taking some changes.

I think this something I need to ponder a bit more but I am really thinking about take a chance on something...maybe a slow start at it but still, taking a chance.

I'll keep you posted....pun intended.

Things I'm pondering...
... is it possible to have too many talents?
.... do I really have any talents that are useful?
... its amazing how oblivious some people can be.

Cool and Crisp

I wake up this morning and head to work with a warm cup of coffee in hand and wish I could just stop and take in the cool and crisp fall air. Now, technically, its not fall yet, but the balmy 47 degrees this morning sure made it feel like fall.

See, fall is my favorite season of the year. There is just something about the crisp-ness of the air, the leaves rustling and the smell of burning leaves and sticks that is refreshing. It takes me back to nature and all that it has to offer. The 'smells of fall' have a soothing effect on me and removes all the worries of life from my mind. Unfortunately, only for a short time was I able to take in the freshness of the morning. One morning this fall however, I will take a break from life and just soak up all that the season has to offer.

Things I'm pondering...
... is it odd to really like penguins?
... what else can someone possible capture the smell of burning leaves in?
... fall apples are quite delicious!

Do What You Want

Do what you want. No one is stopping you. Yes, there may be some barriers or obstacles in your life but what's to say it they have to be permanent? Come up with a plan to overcome and move forward.

Dream big and then live your dream. Everyone can do it with a bit of hard work and patience.

Time for Change

The time for change always imminent. The question is - are you ready to change with the change? Sounds weird, I know. At a recent event I was coordinated, one of the speakers focused on generational differences but also talked quite a bit about the preferences, desires, and behavior of younger generations. Now I can't say that I always fit into my age-defined generational category but I do draw upon some of the tendencies.

The presentation given was quite inspiring and has impacted me not only in my career but also in my personal life. Change is being invoked in my life, by choice, by me. I'm changing because I can see benefits for the resulting change. Change isn't easy, and I accept that.

As a result, I'm 'stoked' about some change I'm hoping to bring in my life real soon.

With that being said, I'm not going to allude any further at this time, but I'll keep you posted.

Things I'm pondering...
- not eating is a way to lose weight, but incredibly unhealthy.
- where could I move so that its the fall season all year round?
- is it possible to slow down the natural seasonal changes?

A brief sigh of relief

I finished another class in my, what seems like an endless pursuit of my MBA. I was well positioned going into my final exam last night with over a 98%. (pats myself on the back). See, hard work pays off!

I spent the majority of yesterday afternoon studying with another student from class however we were incredibly unmotivated to study. I have the desire to just wing it and not study for the exam but my responsible side overruled that notion...for awhile.

After a few hours of studying intermixed in our random conversation and a quick lunch, we both decided that heading to the driving range would be a much better use of our time then studying. So, there we went, off to the driving range about 2 hours before class to hit a bucket of balls, throwing all our cares and concerns of our impending final exam to the wind. It was a gorgeous day to be outdoors and wished I would have taken the day off and played a round a golf. My friend from class was much smarter than I and did just that.

Amazingly, I swung the club with such ease and precision....for about 2 shots...then I began to fall apart. I began to get frustrated, worried that maybe I should be studying. And then I paused, induced a sense of calm over myself. I whispered in my head...(not sure if you can really do that)...and said...be confident in your abilities and knowledge of the material and do your best. Enjoy your short time outdoors, take in the fresh air and relax. Pause for a moment and be content with where you are. I swung the club really good after that.

We headed to class and then found out our final would be done on the computer. The exam was essay and we could then type it out - which is much preferred for me than writing. In the end, I had prepared sufficiently and I felt good with my exam submission. I'm done with another class...for a week. Now I just need to cherish these few days off from class and studying (easier said then done).

Things I'm pondering...
...A friend of mine recently blogged about an attempted mugging event this past week but he and his friends survived....what would I have done in that situation?
...my source of my morning coffee fix was closed this morning...it was odd...I panicked a bit...but then found another coffee shop. Whew...
...How long can you go without getting enough sleep to feel rested?

Breathe

Remember to breathe. We get caught up in the race of life...or sometimes it feels like a marathon. Remember to take time to stop and breathe.

You are only one person and you can only do so much. Remember that. Set forth a plan for yourself. Stick to the plan. Let it guide you to your success. Yes, deviations are OK, but remember the plan and the reason you established it at the beginning.

But, granted, sometimes I feel like throwing the plan out the window. This can be done but be sure you can afford (financially, emotionally, spiritually) it.

Things I'm pondering....
... how do you become naturally wealthy??
... would it be a bad idea to drop everything, just for the sake of change?
... mmm....can I ever live without coffee?

Unseen Purpose

I'll be soon closing out my 7th of 16 graduate classes in my pursuit of my MBA. This class has been by far the most different out of all of my classes. The class, Sales Management, was an elective towards my Marketing MBA and I primarily took this class because a) I don't like sales and b) I'm not good at sales. I identified my weakness and was intentional in taking this class to strengthen those skills.

Well, with only 2 weeks left in the class, I feel like I'm still waiting for that 'ah ha' thing that I'll learn. Honestly, I have almost felt like this class has been too basic and that I haven't fully received the benefits of all that I could learn. Now, this is a bit frustrating considering it is a graduate level course and they don't come cheap.

But, I've realized over the last few days while wrapping up my most recent homework assignment that despite believing this class is not fulfilling the intended purpose that I set out for originally, a new purpose have been realized.

I've learned that I already knew and was utilizing many of the sales skills taught in the class. It comes down to a matter of confidence in myself and utilizing those skills. Secondly, I've realized that despite this class being quite a bit easier than all my prior classes, it was a blessing in disguise. The incredibly busy summer has taken a toll on me and this easier class was actually a break for me. The class, albeit initiated with an intended purpose, has resulted in something far better....a chance to take a break and breathe.

We may each have a purpose through each of our decisions we make and may have a sense of loss or disappointment when our purpose is not fulfilled. Take that moment to look back and find the Unseen Purpose that resulted from your choice. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

Things I'm pondering...
...you can still function when not consuming coffee at every waking moment....a little disappointed by this

... I'm constantly reminding myself to take a moment to breathe...its totally worth it no matter what

... just remember...its always about us...but most often, its about someone else...do something nice for someone and you'll feel pretty darn good!

Worry isn't worth it

So what's the point in worrying? Does it serve any purpose but to create anxiety, confusion, uncertainty? I don't' tend to be one who worries all of the time but more often that I would prefer. I am constantly telling myself to not worry. It is what it is... yeah...simple....

I try my best and that's all I an do. I have to constantly remind myself, I'm not in control. So be it.

Life is a journey....enjoy it.

On a side note...I've neglected my ponderings...so here are three for today...

Things I'm pondering...
... what happens when stress becomes all consuming in your life? Do you burst like something under pressure??

... the smell of coffee is such an invigorating aroma...someone should make coffee potpourri

... is there such a thing as too much coffee?

Stop Searching

A friend told me that if you are always searching for something, when do you enjoy that which you have?

An excellent point mind you. When do you?

Sometimes in life, you just need to stop searching, enjoy life and the simple things....peace...tranquility....the lake breeze....a great cup of coffee.

The worries of life just roll away and I find myself relaxed, and not searching. But instead, I find myself pondering life's simplicities....not thinking about the what if's but about the what I have's.

Contentment. Not easily learned, nor accepted but taking small steps towards it. Contentment in myself, my life and where I am will lead to personal happiness. I won't find that in someone or something else but me. Just me.

So...its time to just be me, spend time with me, focus on the simplicity of me. With me, I will prosper and things that I had once 'searched for' will show up by themselves.

Vacancy

A void of something lost or something not yet found. An empty space, waiting to be filled. Vastness - all consuming - without substance. Seeking, searching, hoping, willing, wondering, pondering. Life's complexities provide hope for simplicity, basic, unchanged and pure. Life's a journey with no end but a constant search of something unknown. A search that is continuous, finding only temporary fulfillment in something, someone or some place. The only difference, between you an me, contentment in that which as been found. My contentment can only be found within myself.

Possibilities

If you want all possibilities to be present...you have to make yourself open and available to all possibilities. Limits will only do what the says...Limit You. Your life goals, experiences and aspirations cannot be achieved with limits. Remove the limitations and truly experience...

see title above...

Defining Life's Moments....have you defined a moment lately? I know I haven't. And I ask myself, what's stopping me? Do I need to wait for a little nudge from someone or to the extent of learning of an illness or a threat to my life?

I recently read a book called The Last Lecture. I'm sure you may have heard of it since it is on the best seller's list. In brief, its about a man, Randy Pausch, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given a short amount of time to life. He began making decisions in his life to ...in my own words...define his moments of true happiness...

After reading the book and watching his 'Last Lecture' (he was a professor at Carnegie Melon University), I've been inspired to make intentional decisions to define my life and seek out true happiness. I'll admit, I don't know what the first decision will be or the impact it will have but only time will tell.

A little more information on Randy Pausch: http://www.thelastlecture.com/aboutr.htm

Unfortunately, on Friday, July 25, 2008, Randy passed away however his inspiration lives on.

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder...what if things were different...
...how would things change? ...

Sometimes I wonder...what can I do differently...
...would things actually change?...

Sometimes I wonder...will change make any difference at all...or are we all just stuck in this rut together....called life.

Doing something Well

When you find something that you enjoy doing, you do it well, and others recognize it, do more of it. Totally worth it - not because its recognized but because it makes you feel good on the inside.

Things I'm Pondering...

• Cloning...need to figure that out sometime
• Why do some people just don't understand commonsense? Will it ever change?
• Are taking chances worth it?

4th of July

Yesterday was the 4th of July. Probably my favorite holiday. It was different this year. Times have changed, lives have changes, traditions have change. Change is good, right? Sometimes... However change can also sometimes make you think of what was, what could have been, how things were, and why things are the way they are.

That being said...everything happens for a reason. Today is today because that is how it was meant to be. The past is the past, the present is now, the future is yet to be discovered.

Change is good. New traditions can begin along with new goals, focus and purpose. Through it all, never forget the reason for this holiday and the message that it brings. Celebrate life. Celebrate Independence. Celebrate Change.

Things to Ponder...

• All things happen for a reason...sometimes I just wish I knew why.
• To what lengths does one go to pursue his dreams?
• Sometimes, taking a risk will pay off and sometimes no. How can I see into the future?

Rain

There is just something about rain....that sets the mood for me. It's been raining almost non-stop all weekend. I was tired of it for awhile but I cracked the patio doors tonight and have been listening to it for a bit. So, to enhance the mood, I threw on some jazz music as well. Can't ever go wrong with Miles Davis. So now, I'm desiring to go out to Seattle for a mini-vacation. There is just something about Seattle that has a peace about it for me. I've only been there once for about 5 days but it was a different world for me. I was able to get in touch with the inner me and find some peace.

Unfortunately, that mini-vacation will have to wait for now. But I'll do my best to tackle the next life struggle that I bring on myself.

I had a good conversation with a great friend...maybe one of my best friends...yesterday about struggles in life. I was reminded (only because I'm stubborn) that I need to talk about things and let them out more often and now hold things in. It was also suggested to me that I make a list regarding the specific we were discussing (not going to get into the details) to help get things out. I started the list...and its helping. I don't feel 'cleansed' by it but its helping to deal with it. Baby steps...baby steps.

So on this rainy evening in June, here I sit with the sounds of water dripping from the deck above, Miles Davis filling the room and some ambient lighting...I think to myself...you are strong and you can overcome. Surround yourself with those that care about you. Life is a challenge and you're up for the challenge.

Ponderings...

• Rain - is there a point when its just too much and we can somehow gather up the runoff and ship it elsewhere?
• Why does it seem so hard to just start living?
• Sometimes, reality sets in and its frustrating...how can I change that?

Infectious SMILES

Its been a crazy busy week for me constantly running from one place to another. Granted, if I knew how to say no to some things, it would be easier but its those things that I truly enjoy in life and am attempting to make time for (See earlier post).

So this morning I'm up early working on a project for class. When I say early, I mean at the coffee shop already working by 6:15. I'm feeling pretty exhausted but when I came in this morning, I was greeted with what I will call the 'infectious SMILE' by the coffee barista. Now, granted she is a fun and energetic person, and has had a really busy week as well (we chatted a bit this morning) but she still has the life in her to smile this early in the morning. Quite inspiring and makes the stress of the week go away.

So thank you unnamed coffee barista for the infectious smile this morning.

* side note...this reminds me a commercial...for coke or diet coke possible...where the consumer opens a bottle of diet coke, smiles and it becomes infections to anyone who walks by and continues to be passed on....or something like that.

Ponderings for this early morning...
** how long of constant smiling does it take for your cheeks to hurt?
** I'm still working on that IV of coffee...suggestions?
** you can always learn and be inspired...don't shut inspiration out of your life. (not a pondering but a statement!)

Not Feeling My Age

So I'm not feeling my age this weekend. I feel so much older and am in that state of mind as well. I find myself constantly reminding myself that I'm not that old and that I have so much life to life. So, start living it! I'm working on it.

Played a pickup game of kickball today - I'm gonna feel that tomorrow. It wasn't that vigorous but when you're not in shape, it makes it hurt all the more.

I've also had some realizations today that with my age, I need to focus on my age group more. I need to focus on building those adult relationships. Its nothing against my younger friends but, fact of the matter is, we're in different places in our lives. That doesn't mean I'm going to become best friends with people that are 60 (I'm not that old by the way) but just needing to diversify my friendship base.

My ponderings...
... can 45 minutes of kickball really make me hurt this much? What happened to the kickball days in college?

... how do i really mentally cut the strings of the past and move on?

... do I expect too much? why do I get so attached? I'm I really that emotional and sensitive of a person?

Inside

I was watching some TV on the DVR from earlier this week and was inspired but a comment made by a character.

paraphrasing.... quit seeking happiness in something new, unknown, and outside of yourself...go back to that which makes you happy and allows you to bring value....

Not a bad statement so I'm going to attempt that...focusing on those things that I know inside of me allow me to feel a sense of value. I know there are a number of things however I need to seek out those core items that will provide the greatest result.

If I'm happy...that's all that matters. The rest of life will fall into place.

Confidence

I'm almost halfway through my second week of a new job and am finally having some sense of confidence in my job and knowing what I'm doing. I've actually felt really good about a few things that I've done and some discussions that I've had with some people. Its amazing what a little bit of confidence can do.

But, at the same time, confidence at work and in one's profession doesn't always translate into the personal side of things. Sometimes you want something so bad and don't find it, but find something else along the way. And, as time goes on, that thing you wanted so bad, and felt like you were not obtaining, you realize you already have. It just wasn't discovered yet. Embrace it and challenge it so it will grow.

Ponderings / thoughts for today...

Sometimes things you want most are right in front of you...don't lose sight of that which is closest to you....no, I'm not talking about my nose, am I? [I'm not, I'm actually referring to self-happiness]

Don't' take anything for granted....you just never know...

Coffee is such a blessing...except that fact that I feel incredibly sleep deprived. Is snoozing for an hour every morning a bad thing?? I think not!

Time

The weekend is coming to a close and I ask myself, where does the time go? I had such aspiriations for a productive weekend and seem to have fell short. Time seems to be so precious lately with the new job and the new class and all that is entailed in it. I also feel as though I've been neglecting other desires that I have committed to in terms of some volunteer work. Its so hard trying to maintain that balance...or at this point...trying to find the balance.

Tomorrow is a new week and we'll give it another try. At the same time, I want to address priorities in my life but it might be too much to handle. But we'll see.

My ponderings...

Hardwork does payoff in the end...right?
Patience....geez I wish I had. Can you buy it?
Friends...can be the most important in your life at times. Cherish them.

Lacking a subject for tonight

And so I made it through another day... day four to be exact. I feel like I'm starting to get into the grove a bit and gaining some confidence. I was trained on the sales lead follow-up process today. Interesting stuff....considering I'm not really a sales guy and don't enjoy it too much. But I want this position to challenge me and cause me to grow so it all good.

I'm also trying to not stress too much about this marketing plan project either but we'll see as I begin to progress. I actually began working on some content tonight which made me feel good. I was hoping to relax tonight but ended up working on that instead. Maybe I'll relax some this weekend.

I've been having a number of thought-provoking ideas and contemplations today. It has definitely kept my mind in many places. Thoughts that I chose not to share at this time but interesting thoughts all beit.

I do also want to admit that I'm actually enjoying writing my thoughts out each day. In a way, its actually therapeutic to an extent. So...I guess I can't complain that I may stay up a bit later to make sure I write this blog, but overall, I think its worth it.

Now...tonight's posting would not be complete without out my ponderings. Tonight...I want to share a pondering from a friend of mine who will remain anonymous...

If I were to go skydiving with my friends and they were on the ground waiting for me and my parachute...as I began to fall to the ground, what would my friends think if I started to swim in the air? (hope I got that right)

Technology is great...but I seem to be going through a phase of lack of reliability. Is it worth an upgrade at this point or stick it out?

If one had the ability to go into the mind of what someone else was thinking, would you be scared, angry or happy or some other feeling?

Why am I so interested in what someone is thinking?

Pieces of the Puzzle

Well, I've made it through day three of the new job and the pieces of the puzzle are finally beginning to take shape. I've had a number of meetings, presentations, webinars, etc. about the different service lines of the business and its starting to make sense. Imagine that!

I still am at the base of the mountain ahead of me but I feel like I'm gaining knowledge and am making some progress. As long as I can keep moving forward, I will be successful. I made a personal observation of myself today as well....I need to focus less on the granular details at this point and focus on 'getting' the big picture. The details will come in due time but I need to get the greater conceptual and overview at this point. I hope I can easily adjust that focus as I wrap up the first week of the new job.

On a side note, I've heard a phase used by more than one employee and multiple times this week and its very motivating and goes to show the character of the employees at this company. In addition, this statement was also directed at me, on my second day of work without the other employees having much prior knowledge of me:

Austin, you are a high-performing individual, in a high-performing organization.

I thought to myself...that's an excellent way to look at it, and incredibly motivating. When I get to work each morning, I think to myself that exact statement. Austin, you are a high-performing individual in a high-performing company. You will do good things today.

What a way to start the day off.

Now, that's work. Thinking about my new grad class and this marketing plan in front of me. I spent some time last night just putting the format and structure together (table of contents, headings, etc) and it amounted to 10 pages! Looking at all the sections, I really don't know how I'll get this done in 7 weeks. But, I will put forth my best effort, that I know. Unfortunately, I am completely ill-motivated tonight so will just be catching up on e-mail and reading some blogs instead tonight.

My ponderings for today...

How long does one need to 'struggle' through life (or what they deem as struggle) before a reward can be obtained?

Love - does it exist? am I looking in the wrong place? am I just not ready?

Exercising actually makes you feel good...how ironic is that! (oh yeah, I am also picking up my routine of visiting the gym again - haven't been there in months but went tonight...feelin' pretty good!)

Overwhelmed!

Its day 2 of the new job and needless to say, I have a bad case of the learning curve. So much information that I am attempting to retain. This certainly won't be the easiest undertaking.

In addition to that, my first day at the new job was also the first day of my next graduate class: Marketing Management. Now, one would think, Marketing....I studied this in my undergrad, I've done some marketing in jobs...this should be easy. Plus, its basic marketing course.

Well....in the matter of 8 short weeks, I need to research and write a marketing plan. Note: Typically in the business world, a marketing plan takes at a minimum of 6 months to research, develop and write.

Needless to say, I'm OVERWHELMED!

Separate from that, I've been reading a daily blog from a good friend of mine that has a band and was on a recent tour out east (http://www.myspace.com/wolfymusic1) and at the end of each of his blog, he posted his ponderings. They are quite interesting and am going to attempt to adopt this thought process as well.

So...here is what I'm pondering tonight...

Is it possible to actually read so much information that your head can explode?
When you get down to it, what is really preventing me from hooking up an IV of coffee?
Who would change the coffee pack when it runs out?

Day 2: Vacation / Job Transition

So today was my second day of my mini-vacation between my old job and my job I start next week. I caught the Brewer's / Cardinals game today. It was quite long but the brew crew pulled it out in the end.

I met a friend for dinner and then went to a business meeting tonight. Otherwise, not much done today. Its been quiet, which isn't all that bad.

Tomorrow though, I must study for my final. Such excitement I have in my life!

Day 1 of the in between

So today was my first day off in between jobs. I realized this morning that I really enjoy not having a schedule to follow. It was a beautiful day outside and I made a point to get out a little bit. A quick run to Starbucks in the morning and thought to myself, wouldn't it be nice to be self-employed, own my own business, set my own hours, work from home and have peace in my life. Well of course that would be great. It seems quite a distance off but I'm making a point to setting is a goal and striving towards it through everything that I do.

One day, that goal will be achieved. I promise you (me) that!

Live Life

I was recently reminded that life is short. My aunt passed away last week and was reminded we all have a predetermined amount of time.

Simply put, Live Life to the fullest now. A common saying but appropriate:

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die tomorrow."
~ James Dean

Life Redesign

Life has been utterly exhausting lately and therefore, you may have guessed, margin has not been found.

Tonight, I finally decided to take a night for myself and relax. Alright, it was really a choice since I'm feeling under the weather...its been about a month now and just can't shake this thing.

Anyways, so, tonight, I pickup the book...A Minute of Margin...again and read the next excerpt which is titled 'Redesigning Life'. How suitable for me today.

I read on and the author discusses how one day, him and his wife reach the point where life has just become too overwhelming and the decided to STOP and take a night for themselves and try to discover all the things that are consuming their lives. Interesting...might be a good idea.

So...I did this as well. Here is my list:

- Work
- Defining a Career Path
- Grad School with one class a week for 3.5 hours with close to 6-7 hours of homework outside of class
- Financial Peace class at my church
- Serving through tech ministry at church
- Attempting to be involved in the life of niece of almost 9 months already!
- social life - doesn't really exist.

Back to the book....so after the list was made, they threw it into the fire and wiped the slate clean. It was symbolizing the release of control that 'life' and all their activities had on them.

A friend of mine this week told me that I need to start doing things for myself. Very wise words and I hope that I can do that. Granted, I will need to relinquish some things in my life....OR...change the things in my life to be less burdensome but instead rewarding.

So, here is my new list:

- I am fortunate to have a job - make the most of it and learn something new every day
- I am young, your career path will change - live in the here and now for your career and pursue those things that you enjoy and are rewarding
- I Will have your MBA in less than 2 years - congrats on the accomplishment. Finish Strong!
- Homework teaches me something - curriculum or organization and work ethic - just do your homework.
- Financial Peace class at my church - As Dave Ramsey says, ...one day, you'll live like no one else.
- I am a means to instill change in people. Never let the stress of doing good work get in the way of Serving.
- I am an influential person. Influence cannot be measured in quantity but in quality. Make the most of the times with my niece.
- Through your activities, you will meet people. Live by example and people will be drawn to you.

Its amazing how inspirational I can be to myself when I just take the time to do it and find that 'margin' in my life for it.

Margin = Happiness?

'Happiness is a place between too little and too much.
- Finnish Proverb

Does Margin = Happiness? Maybe, or maybe not. I truly think it is a contributing factor.

I have a number of big decisions in front of me. With each decisions comes a gauge of margin. Will it increase or decrease? What are the short-term and long-term benefits?

Simplifying it....do what makes the heart happy.

Margin

First of all...thank you mom for steering me back on track...


Now...a word about Margin. I was given a book to read by my mother about a year ago. And, of course, life being busy, pushed the book into a drawer, yet to be opened. Well, a year later, I'm opening the book.


I started to read the introduction and that's as far as I got.


A few excerpts, quoted directly from A Minute of Margin, by Richard A. Swenson...


"MARGIN IS LIKE oxygen - everybody needs some. If we have too little, we suffer from the shortage. If we have too much, the excess will not benefit us additionally. But having the right amoung permits us to breathe freely."


Ok...lets stop there. Besides oxygen, since it is important for umm....life...this concept of Margin and its coorelation to Life in and balance is so true. Keyword: Balance and just the right amount.


...back to the book...


"Margin is space, specifically the space between our load and our limits. It is this space that enhances vitality and resilence. It is this space that guarnatees sustainability. It is in this space where healing occurs, where our batteries are recharged, where our relationships are nourished, and where wisdom is found. Without margin, both rest and contemplation are both theorectical concepts, unaffordable and unrealistic."


Ok...can I just say wow! This is so true. Its amazing to think that something as simple as space can affect our lives in so many ways. It is this space that drives the results of our actions, attitudes and relationships.


So with all that being said, why don't I or we for that matter have margin or space in our lives. Well, lets read on...


"Our enemy is also our beneficiary: progress. Progress is helpful but not pure. Even as progress results in many advantages, it is also accompanied by disadvantages. Progress brings blessing, but it also brings pain. ...progress always gives us more and more of everything, faster and faster. ... When overloaded, however, more and more, faster and faster becomes problematic. The bottleneck is the established fact of human limits."


Hear that...we, us, humans...have LIMITS. Imagine that. I unfortunately seem to throw those to the wind more often than not. Such is life...for me. But why? Why is it like that? Why do I allow it? Part of my nature to constantly be striving for the next thing to advance me, my career, the next opportunity? I'm a very driven person so the word NO rarely is in my vocabularly. This can be dangerous. Yes, I even admit it. But it is something learned.


Space, or Margin...will allow for me to begin saying No and focusing on the core of me and who I am.


I'm going to take my mom's advice and try and read through this book, each day and try and reflect on what I read and the application to my own life. Maybe that will bring about some answers.


The next installment of Margin will be forthcoming... maybe I'll find simplicity through margin.

Still not simple

So, um yeah, simplistic does not equal easy.

Work has been pretty calm now for two weeks and yet, I can't seem to relax, reduce stress or anything. In fact, it seems like things are worse. Maybe just a different kind of stress due to lack of direction in my life/career....again. What else is new?

I wish finding myself wasn't so hard. I wish that little things didn't affect me so much. Sometimes, I think I'm this lost soul in a big world, searching for something that I'm not sure if it exists. Or maybe its a figment of my imagination, this surreal image I created that will never become reality. And yet, at the same time, that surreal image scares me - like I don't know if I really want it. Oh the confusion I create for myself.

I mean seriously, why do I let things bother me? Why do I over analyze and create more angst than necessary? Why do I try to live a life that I'm not at yet and shouldn't be? I need to embrace my age and where I'm at but yet, I keep worrying about the future and planning so my decisions now have the best outcome for my future. Living in the now doesn't seem to exist for me. Why is that? What can I do to change that? I don't think anyone or anything can truly change me. It's all my inner self, searching, discovering, questioning life and what is has instore for me but yet I won't allow myself to accept the unknown.

One day, I hope that I can simplify my life, not confuse or frustrate myself and just live as life should be.

Simplistic - Not Easy

Simplicity does not equal easy...but that's ok.

Hard work is required in many things in life....but that's ok.

Success does not come easy but must be set as a goal... but that's ok.

Setting goals, having purpose, and striving for success is healthy...and that's ok.

To achieve success, you will fail - its a part of life...and that too is ok.

So why am I so hard on myself? Why do I expect so much of myself when others don't?

Focus on the simple things and give yourself a break Austin.

Embrace the Here and Now

A quote from William Shakespeare...

'There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.'

Life is what you make of it. The peaks and valleys are only natural and we cannot dwell in either. For life is unpredictable. All we know, is that it will not be constant and change is expected. We must embrace life, Here, Now, and make the most of what we have.

Now is just a milestone on the way to greatness in the future.

Simplicity

In an effort to 'simplify' my life, this will be the first of many (I hope) 'simplistic' posts about life, direction and purpose.

Today, as I actually relaxed, I found myself feeling guilty for it. Why? There's nothing wrong with relaxing, even though I'm not good at it. But why feel guilty about it? Should life be that hard? Why can't I focus on the simple things in life. I tend to complicate things in my life and make things harder than they have to be.

As I begin the new year, I ponder this one of many thoughts...

If life we're not so complicated, or should I say, If I didn't make it so complicated, would it be easier? Does simplicity = happiness?

Three rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein