Still not simple

So, um yeah, simplistic does not equal easy.

Work has been pretty calm now for two weeks and yet, I can't seem to relax, reduce stress or anything. In fact, it seems like things are worse. Maybe just a different kind of stress due to lack of direction in my life/career....again. What else is new?

I wish finding myself wasn't so hard. I wish that little things didn't affect me so much. Sometimes, I think I'm this lost soul in a big world, searching for something that I'm not sure if it exists. Or maybe its a figment of my imagination, this surreal image I created that will never become reality. And yet, at the same time, that surreal image scares me - like I don't know if I really want it. Oh the confusion I create for myself.

I mean seriously, why do I let things bother me? Why do I over analyze and create more angst than necessary? Why do I try to live a life that I'm not at yet and shouldn't be? I need to embrace my age and where I'm at but yet, I keep worrying about the future and planning so my decisions now have the best outcome for my future. Living in the now doesn't seem to exist for me. Why is that? What can I do to change that? I don't think anyone or anything can truly change me. It's all my inner self, searching, discovering, questioning life and what is has instore for me but yet I won't allow myself to accept the unknown.

One day, I hope that I can simplify my life, not confuse or frustrate myself and just live as life should be.